


You're Just A Halfer!

by Wonwoo_Aegi



Series: Seventeen July-November 2020 [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Chwe Hansol | Vernon-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Projecting, We need more Vernon fics, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonwoo_Aegi/pseuds/Wonwoo_Aegi
Summary: Vernon gets called a halfer, and he relives his past. Luckily, his members are there for him
Relationships: Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Everyone
Series: Seventeen July-November 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826113
Comments: 19
Kudos: 113





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ayochwehansol](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ayochwehansol).



> Thanks for clicking on this fic I hope you enjoy. Much love <3 Requested by: ayochwehansol
> 
> (would be interesting to read a story about how his childhood growing up being kind of alienated for being mixed has affected him now? i feel like no one every really acknowledges it lmao, his experience being singled out has mind him so kind and accepting towards everybody)

Vernon is half American and half Korean. Most people know and it's not a big deal, he feels more connected to his Korean roots and that isn't a big deal either. There are times where people randomly comment on it or ask about it, but nobody really talks bad about it. So Vernon usually forgets about it, he can speak Korean and communicate with the people he loves the most, so there isn't really a need to have it prevalent in his mind. 

~~~~~~~

Fansigns are something that Vernon enjoys immensely, meeting fans and being able to talk and appreciate the people that give him and his family so much love. He gets to shake and hold hands, he gets to smile and answer questions and sign things as well as recieve them. And his members are sitting right next to him, he doesn't like being on the end so he ends up near the middle, constantly laughing and telling jokes and singing. 

The problems he does have, the anxiety and nervousness sitting at the center of his brain, always stay and he can mostly push them down, at least until he's off stage. When his members see something, they grab his hand or touch him in some way to let him know that he is okay and that they are there together. 

This particular fansign was going really well, Vernon had begun to talk to everyone more calmly, smiling at all the fans and not feeling an ounce of doubt. Until a particular fan, she was really pretty with long black hair. Vernon had been sitting next to Minghao, he was chatting with the girl and she was all smiles, giggling and blushing with him. Vernon was very excited to see her, with it being rather early in the morning, she seems like a morning person all around. 

When time had been up and the fans needed to switch to the next person, Vernon had his smile ready, but she ignored him. She sat patiently waiting for Mingyu who was on his other side. Vernon's hands, which had been stretched out on the table, withdrew and began to wring themselves. He cleared his throat and asked her warily, "Do you want anything signed? Is there anything you need?" She looked at him, disgust thinly veiled on her beautiful face. She looked at his eyes and said, " I don't want anything from you. You're just a halfer, and nobody likes halfers." 

To say Vernon was shocked, was an understatement. He sits there for a minute, mouth hanging open, till tears start filling his eyes. He can't remember the last time somebody commented on his ethnicity in person. Of course, sometimes antis comment on twitter and other social media, but never in person. 

He wasn't breathing, it shouldn't be a big deal. This isn't something that's a big deal, what she said was truthful, but it just hit him awfully hard. So many people have it so much worse, these insults shouldn't be hitting him this hard. He wanted to turn to Minghao and Mingyu and ask them if they liked him, ask if they even wanted to be his friend anymore.

Logically, he knew that his members would never hate him because of his background, but his brain wasn't having it. It reminded him so much of when he was younger. When he would get bullied and made fun of because he looked more American than Korean, the kids would tease him for his English accent. 

When he had moved to Korea, he was five. His family continued to speak English in his household so Korean became a bit of a challenge. When he went to school, he didn't have many friends, they looked at him like he was an alien. A halfer. they called him a halfer, yobo, rice cracker, and two-tone, all the racial slurs they could think of. Vernon always silently took it, not wanting to cause anymore trouble. That went on for almost a year, the bullying becoming violent. Pushes and shoves, finally punches and kicks. He took it all, just so he wouldn't cause any trouble, "you're just a halfer." Those words rang in his ears, until he was recruited into Pledis, but by then he was already so accustomed to hearing awful things about himself.

Many times, he wondered why he had to be both. Why couldn't he just be one? Why did he have to look both American and Korean. Why did kids have to be so mean? Why couldn't they just accept the fact that he was half American? He embraced more of his Korean side anyway so it shouldn't matter.

As school progressed, he continued to perfect his Korean and try to make friends, he made a few, but no super close ones. He had so much emotional trauma from his school days that he was confused whenever he was shown any kind of positive attention. He flinched at every movement, scared of being hit for being mixed.

His school days were some of the worst days of his life, with no friends, he focused solely on studies and his passions. His parents had only found out at a gathering, when they caught one of his bullies shoving him into the walls. His mother was heartbroken and his father was furious. How could someone do that to a child? when they decided to confront Vernon about it, he deflected saying that he was okay and that it was a bit of light banter.

His mother did not like that and went to the principal and asked. He asked around and everyone was informed on how Chwe Vernon Hansol was bullied, physically and mentally, for years. Both of his parents now angry and demanding the justice of their child, for years he's suffered through this.

Why did God make him a mix, why did his mother have to be American? What's so wrong with him? Why did they have to come up with the God-awful name of halfer, it's so offensive to them and its rude and mean. Now, his parents were mad and he didn't know how he was going to be able to talk about this. He desperately wanted this to not be a big deal, he desperately wanted to move back to America, and be forgotten. He wanted to start anew, but part of him was scared that no matter where he goes, he would always be made fun of for being half and half. For God's sake, why did everything have to be about skin color and race? Everyone was different, so why did it fucking matter that he was half Korean and half American?

Throughout the years, more questions stuck in his mind, asking how this was fair and how anybody could do such things to a kid. When he met the Pledis boys, he was so worried about being judged and bullied, that he mostly kept to himself. Until he met Soonyoung, the boy was so outgoing and kind, he was taken aback. It really went uphill from there, he met the rest of the boys and they taught him that it is totally fine to be half and half, there isn't anything wrong with it.

When they debuted it took a lot of time to convince him that he was beautiful and they wouldn't bully him. He had gotten a lot of comments on his origins, and he became very self conscious. It took years for his members to reassure him and for him to be okay, but it's still there. It's in the back of his mind, sometimes he thinks about it, but he's more sure of himself now, with his members and his fans by his side its easy.

But, no one has brought it up in such a long time. It's very weird that someone brought it up now, but it has brought back all those memories and it is currently bringing tears to his eyes. His breathing is shallow and his hands are pinched. He doesn't want to bother the members and he doesn't want this girl to know that she hurt him, but she is already looking at him, a smirk plastered on her face. While he silently panics, she smiles and his members are busy and every other fan is watching him. Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vernon's members help him afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2, friends! I'm so happy you guys liked the first part!! Let me know if you want anything else, I love hearing ideas so feel free to request, even for other groups! Much love <3

Shit. His lungs are closing up. Shit. People are watching him. Shit. His members can't help him. What is he supposed to do now? The very rude girl is sitting there, smirking, while waiting for the timer to go off and switch people. He can't breathe, god, his lungs aren't filling up with enough air. His hands are violently wringing together in anxiousness, and his eyes are burning from both swell of tears and the inability to blink. It's like a bomb, he's like a bomb, ticking and ready to explode, but when?

He explodes when the timer, goes off. That girl chuckles under her breath and puts out a bright smile for Mingyu and there is another girl in front of Vernon, she is smiling and rambling and asking if he's okay as she realizes that Vernon isn't smiling or breathing, she calls out to the boys on either side of him and they both spin their heads so fast and forget about the fans in front of them. Vaguely, the girl who said these things, was now angry, he was taking time away from her oppas, her real oppas.

"Nonie, are you okay? Nonie, baby, you have to answer me." Minghao's hand was on Vernon's back, and the other was swiping his hair away from his forehead. Vernon shook where he sat, now he was not only concerned about the racial slur, but also whether he was annoying or bothering anyone. Oh jeez, he's messed up really bad. His members are going to be so angry with him, and the fans, god the fans, they'll probably hate him. Oh god, his manager, he's going to be furious for ruining the event. Now, he was breathing, but it was shallow and he knew that physically he wasn't going to be okay in just a few minutes.

Now, he had gotten the attention of the rest of his band mates and all the fans, as well as the staff. He felt like he was going to die, oh god, he was going to die. If not by asphyxiation, then by the sheer amount of embarrassment plaguing his mind. He needed to get out of there, away from all the fans, the stares. He needed Jeonghan, or Seungkwan, or Seungcheol, or fuck, anyone. He wanted to go back home, into his nice warm bed and cuddle up with anyone available. But, he couldn't, because they were promoting in China and they wouldn't get back for a week or more.

All of a sudden, he heard a loud voice that he couldn't understand and the feeling of him being walked out of the venue surrounded by 12 other boys. He felt the arms of his friend, which one, he wasn't sure. But he was able to understand that someone in his group was holding him up, keeping him from falling apart. 

Soon, he felt himself being sat down. His mind was falling apart, and soon enough he would burst into tears if he thought about the events that just occurred. And, he did, think about it and, just like he thought, he burst into tears and was cradled by the closest person to him. Words were whispered into his ear, though Vernon couldn't understand it or respond to it. He just sat there, hyperventilating and sobbing into someone's chest. 

He was going to pass out soon, his members could tell. Mingyu had been the one to carefully drag Vernon by the wrist to the dressing room they were given, their entire group had decided that this was bad enough that he shouldn't be without any of his members right now. They had thoroughly apologized to the fans and bowed with Vernon in the center, forming a circle around him in case anyone were to try anything. They didn't even know what had happened, everything was going just fine. During one interaction, the girl had been asking if he was okay, the members hadn't thought anything of it, for some reason, maybe it was being caught up in wanting to make each fan feel special. But as soon as she turned to Minghao and Mingyu, everybody had stopped what they were doing.

Mingyu had Vernon straddled across his lap, gasping into his neck, which was now soaked with Vernon's tears. "Nonie," Mingyu whispered, "I need you to breath with me honey, okay, if you keep hyperventilating you're going to pass out." Vernon shook even harder as he sobbed, gripping onto his hands pressed between the two chests. Jeonghan, who was behind Vernon, pulled his hands out and pressed them to Mingyu's shoulders, they immediately latched on to the jacket and turned white with pressure. Jeonghan pulled on Vernon's shoulders to create a better pathway for air. Vernon tried so hard to resist, it hurt him too much.

It was clear that Vernon wasn't going to listen to what was being said, when he had panic attacks before where he couldn't hear or respond to anything, they usually had him tire himself out, because not much could be done. Jeonghan continued to pull on him and Mingyu still whispered comforting words. The rest of his members staring at him in complete silence, some of them contemplating what could've triggered such a bad attack.

After about 10 minutes, Vernon's breathing slowed, he sounded like he was going to pass out and sure enough, he did. He slumped against Mingyu's chest, hands relaxing and breaths evening out. Only a few seconds later, did he stir. His eyes had glossed over and he stared at anything that stuck out. When Mingyu had started whispering, he stared intently at his mouth.

"Sollie, can you tell us where you are?" Normally, his panic attacks would drain so much of his energy that he would just sit there, but this made him look and feel like he could sleep forever. It took a minute to process the question, no, the last thing he remembered was sitting in the wide room, talking to that girl. 

His breathing became harsh, that girl, she had become his worst nightmare. "No, no, sollie, it's okay, honey, you're okay" Mingyu rubbed his back and kissed his forehead, Vernon leaned into the touch, he needed to trust that his members would look after him. They all sat in slience as Hansol layed there. 

Jeonghan had breathed in when Vernon chose to speak, "The girl, she went to you, Hyung before it happened. She had i-ignored me." He took a steadying breath. "I asked if there was anything I could help her with and she called me a- a-" He couldn't say it, that word scared him, reminded him of the things that happened. 

"Halfer? Did that girl call you a halfer, Sollie." He turned and looked at Minghao and slowly nodded his head as tears refilled his eyes. There it was, out in the open. He had been called that to his face, but that was no excuse for stopping the event. He saw the members tense up with anger, Vernon had thought that they were mad at him, he did stop the event after all. He shrunk, beginning to apologize profusely, but Seungcheol stopped him, "No, honey, we aren't mad at you. I promise we aren't, don't cry." Seungcheol had gotten up and wiped his face, Vernon looked terrified. The members were livid, yes, just not at him. That girl, all of the members were about to throw hands. Nobody made their Nonie cry, not on their watch. They were about to go out there, into the crowd, and beat that bitch to the pulp. But the way that Vernon looked at them, made them all completely stop in there tracks. Vernon needed them, all of them, he wasn't able to handle this by himself. Plus, it would send wrong vibes that people were mad at him when they weren't. 

After a while, they had pulled everyone into a big circle and Vernon had been pulled into Hoshi's lap and was currently facing the center.   
"Vernon, we need you to know, we aren't mad at you. And in no way, does your ethnicity have anything effect on who you are, what you do, and who you choose to be. We love you, exactly the way you are. And we wouldn't change it for the world." Vernon lifted his head from where it was perched on Hoshi's shoulder and looked at his family, all of them were smiling and nodding. His eyes began to well up with tears, but they were good. He knew that he looked different and he came from a different background, but he had people that loved him now and they would never bully him or put him down.

They crowded around him, pulling him into the center of a gigantic group cuddle pile, sure, Vernon knew that he was two ethnicities in one, but that wasn't a problem here. He was loved and cared for and he would get through anything with his members by his side.

Oh, and she got what was coming to her, the girl, fans found her account and canceled her :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Let me know if you guys want to read something!! Much love <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, this is something that I have personally dealt with and I can say that it is a very hard topic, if anyone needs to talk just yell at me. Much love <3


End file.
